Kids say the darndest things...

I've heard plenty of stories where kids say the most embarrassing things at the worst times. I've always thought these stories were hilarious, but also felt fortunate that those types of things never really happened with Jayden. Well, not in public anyway.

Why, oh why, did I think it wouldn't happen with Caitlin? I don't know. I should have expected it. Maybe I would have been better prepared that day. Instead, I have an embarrassing story to add.

Earlier this week we were running errands. I was in front of the cashier, paying for my items with Caitlin & Jayden by my side.

Caitlin looked at me and asked "Mom, what's 'sick'?"

At that moment I was dividing my mental to-do list into what had to be done that day and what could be postponed for a later date. I was in a rush to get Jayden back home because he hadn't been feeling too well due to allergies. So I absentmindedly answered, "You know what sick means. It means you don't feel well."

She was silent for a moment. Conversation over, right?

Wrong. Things are never simple with my dear little daughter.

I could see the wheels turning in her head. I thought nothing of it because I was now preoccupied with the cashier, who was taking forever to figure out which one of my items was ringing up incorrectly, giving me the wrong total.

All of a sudden Caitlin said loudly, "No mom, not SICK. I mean DICK."

WTF did I just hear?

At that point I didn't think my face could have been a darker shade of red from the embarrassment. Did the cashier hear her? I slowly looked over at her and saw that her eyes had popped out of her head.

Nope, no pretending she hadn't heard that.

I tried to play it cool and said "I'm not sure what you are saying. Do you mean stick?"

Now I knew damn well that wasn't what Caitlin had said. I was just hoping to... well I don't know what exactly I was hoping to accomplish...

"No mom, I am saying D-D-D-DICK," she said firmly, emphasizing the D.

The slow-as-molasses cashier snorted. A lady on the line to the right of us gasped. Now my face was on fire. I wanted to leave the items and run out of there, but I maintained my composure and said "Well, that's not a nice word. Where did you hear that?"

"From you. That's what you said," she replied.

NOW my face could not be any more red. At that point the cashier stopped trying to figure out the problem and stared at us, jaw wide open. A sense of panic came over me. I looked around for something, anything, to swallow me up whole. Of course I was unsuccessful.

When the hell did I say that in front of this child?! I do have a colorful language, but NEVER within ear shot of my kids. I decided not to press her at that moment, since I had no idea when I used that word in front of her and was frightened about the context she'd heard it in.

"Cait, we will talk about this later," was all I could manage to say. My terse tone snapped the cashier back to her job. A couple of minutes later we were out of there.

As we walked back to the car I asked again where she had heard that word from. I was convinced she'd heard it elsewhere. She must have been mistaken when she said she heard me say it. I silently cursed Juan, hoping, wishing, praying that it was his fault.

"Mom, it was you. You said it," she answered back in an exasperated tone.

My heart sank. "When did I say that?"

"You said you don't like dick tomatoes."

Then Jayden pipes up "Mom she's been saying 'thick.' That's not a bad word."

I looked over at Caitlin who instantly nodded. "Yes mommy, dick. That IS what I am saying!"

A tremendous amount of relief flooded over me. "OH!!!! Thick means wide. It is the opposite of thin."

Needless to say, we practiced pronouncing the th- sound all the way home.